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In the Mirror

Whenever you look in the mirror, how do you feel? Doesn't it strike you how personal it is? It is an expression, a contact of such intimacy, do you think that any other relationship in the world can match the level of comfort, of closeness, of surety that you feel when you look at yourself?

When I look in the mirror, I look at myself as I see myself; as I want to see myself; as I want to be; and finally, as I actually am. Looking at my reflection feels so oddly comforting somehow. Like  meeting with a brother whom you can trust, share the deepest secrets and yet without having to speak a word. Sometimes, I see myself from years ago, looking into the same mirror and feeling different things. Seeing things differently. Sometimes, I long wistfully for that past self, I wish I could see him. Like one yearns to see a younger sibling, dearly loved and sorely missed. Sometimes, I stare into the depths of His/my eyes, and I try and fathom some sense of the future. It rarely helps. He/I is usually as scared and oblivious as I am. Yet, there is some comfort in numbers.

I see his world, all full of opposites. I see Him/me at night and sometimes, I get scared. Sometimes He/I reflects an eerie light from his eyes. Something not of my world. Something that belongs solely to that other world, restrained by the barrier of the mirror. At those times I'm glad of the boundaries separating us. I fear the darkness that lives in me. That lives in all of us.

Sometimes, I wish I could visit Him/me. See as Alice saw, when she journeyed beyond, through the Looking Glass. Sometimes.

As I look in the mirror, with my mind on Him as he was years ago, I see how time has slowly taken its toll and yet, stoically, I/Him stares back. Unabashed. Unfazed. Smiling.

I love Him. I flash a smile of camaraderie, of brotherhood. A smile of the deepest intimacy. True love.

Until next time.


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